“Many people know what they want to have, but have not idea of who they want to be”  – Anthony Robbins

We all have values but few people are aware of them and most people have little or no idea of how what they value is shaping their lives on a daily basis. To achieve fulfilment and true success it is essential to decide what we value most in life and then commit to live by them everyday. If we are not clear about what it is that is most important to us in our lives then how can we experience the satisfaction of knowing ourselves completely and of making decisions the will serve and support us.

Values are defined as emotion states we want to experience on an ongoing basis and can be considered powerful contributors to the results we get in our lives, even more so than our beliefs, as it has been said in the world of Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) that our beliefs are developed from what we value. Therefore when you know and are aware of your values, or even sometime if your not, if they are truly aligned with who you are and what you want to create, you will develop a set of beliefs that serve, support and assist with the direction you want to head in your life.

What exactly are values?

Values can be classified as emotional states and/or as nominalisations, for example Passion, Commitment, Love, Integrity, Courage, Variety, Security, Knowledge, and so on. As written by Anthony Robbins in his book Awaken the Giant within “Values guide our every decision and, therefore, our destiny. Those who know their values and live by them become leaders in our society”

Your values are made up of the experience you have had throughout your life and are often determined from a young age. External influences assist us in developing our values, these influences can come from parents, family, friends, peers, education, environment, religion, culture and many more.

To value something is to place importance on it, anything you hold dear can be called a value, however there are two types of values, end values and means values, this is often where people become confused about what their personal values may be. When referring to personal values we are referring to “end” values. The end values are the emotional states that we pursue and experience on a daily basis.

For example, if you ask a person what they “value” in life, many people may say “I value my family, money, connecting with other people and feeling secure”, in this case the person’s end values could be determined as connection and security. However, family and money are what are called “means” values, as they are a means to obtain a certain emotion state. In the above example to determine the “end” values you would ask the questions “What does family give you?” and “What does money give you?” The answers to these questions would then elicit the “end” values. The answers may be that “Family gives me happiness, compassion and love” and “Money gives me security and freedom” therefore this person’s values would include these nominalisations/emotional states; connection, security, happiness, love, compassion and freedom.

We must remember that all decision making comes down to our own values clarification, therefore when you are clear of your personal values and you are living congruently with your values, decision making become easy and effortless. 

How do I determine my values?

I’m sure you are all asking by now, “How do we do that?” Well the first step is to get clear on what is most important to you in terms of your life.  Sounds simple, right? Nonetheless many people do not currently have clarity around what is truly important to them in their day to day life, or they may know, yet they are not living in accordance with them everyday.

If you want to get clarity around your Values – Email info@trueinspiration.com.au with the Subject “I want Clarity” for your Free “Values Workbook”

One of my favourite topics is Relationships and understanding how they work or in some cases don’t work, this could be the main reason why I am inspired to assist my clients with theirs! Relationships in the dictionary are defined as “a state of connectedness between people”, sounds pretty lovely doesn’t it, yet from my experiences the majority of challengers most of us face in our lives seem to revolve around relationships, what do you think?  

Think about all the times you’ve had conversations with friends, or even internally with yourself, around current relationships, ex relationships, future relationships, family relationships, work relationships or the fact that there is might not be any relationships that are currently valued!  I’m sure you and I both would have to say there has been at least a few(hundred) that cover some or all of the above.

So what is it about relationships that really get us going? Now when I do talk about relationship I am talking about all of them from your best mate or intimate life partner to work colleagues, family members and friends, down to even the waiter at the local café, each and every person in your life constitutes some form of relationship in your world. So what is it really about relationships that gets our heart racing and switches our mind into over gear, sometimes even stopping us from doing the things we truly desire?

 Well there really could be many, however one reason I believe is because as human we all have a desire, if not deep need, to love, connect, communicate and relate to other human beings and we are all motivated to some extent to share and develop relationships with others to meet these needs in our lives.

Then as human we really do like to complicate things which is where the fun part comes in and the challenges arise, mainly because every person in the world is different. We all have different thoughts, beliefs, values, rules, experiences and in a nut shell we all have our own way of looking out at the world and relating internally with ourselves. So often when people don’t understand themselves and the reasons behind their own actions and reactions this is when the challenges come to town and play out, in most cases, in the external relationships a person has with others.

So what I want to highlight today is what I believe to be the most important relationship a person can have, this relationship when worked on and nurtured is the type of relationship that eases the challenges in all other relationships, that sets the standards for all relationships and is the one you can always count on……… and if you haven’t guessed it yet this is the relationship you have with yourself!

So how would you describe the relationship you have with yourself? Calm, Safe, Wonderful, Rocky, Unstable, I don’t know, Depends on the day or situation, Don’t have one……. These are just a few ways I have heard people describe their relationship with themselves and in some cases this is the exact same way they describe their relationships with other people as well.

Just something to think about… My belief around this is that the more we understand ourselves – our motivations, our values, the reason we do the things we do, our drivers, etc, the more we can relate to ourselves and develop a stronger sense of who we really are. By doing this we can enhance the relationships we have in our lives and attract into our lives what we really want.

In the next few Blog post I am going to touch on a few ways of how you can take your most important relationship to the next level….. Until then enjoy this beautiful day and give some thought to the relationships in your life, Are they a reflection of the relationship you have with yourself?

What do you need to do to improve the relationships in your life?

 www.trueinspiration.com.au

info@trueinspiration.com.au

Specialising inTransition Coaching – Relationships & Careers  – Located in Richmond, Victoira

6 Core Human Needs – Anthony Robbins

From all of my reading on Personal Development this topic has been one of my favourites and the one that when I have taught to others really has had a profound affect!
So according to world renowned coach and speaker Anthony Robbins, we are all driven by the requirement to fulfil 6 Core Human needs. These needs are not just desires or wants, but profound needs which serve as the basis of every choice we make, they never stop driving us and they never go away. Therefore by understanding what drives each of us on a day to day basis we can begin to determine how to get to where we really want to go and have a better understanding of why we do the things we do, especially why we do some of those things we know we shouldn’t do or the things that aren’t great for us! Every person is influenced and motivated by the order of importance they place on each of these 6 needs. By becoming aware of which 2 we hold highest in our lives we can begin to understand the reasons behind our actions.

We all want to fulfil these needs in everything we do on a daily basis, and we do in some form or another, however it is not always in a positive way and not always in a resources and sustainable way. Therefore it is really how we meet these needs that can shape our lives and ultimately determine our happiness. 
The good news is they are millions of ways to meet each need in a positive, resourceful and sustainable way, so once you understand how you currently meet each need, you are then able to reassess and evaluate how to meet them to get where you want to go, in turn setting yourself up for lasting fulfilment in you life as well as your relationships moving forward. Sound simple, yes? Well it is once you understand how and why you do what you do, and then make the choice to do things differently if you are not currently getting the results you want. So what exactly are the 6 core needs, you might be asking by now. Well, here we go, the 6 core needs are made up of the following – Certainly, Uncertainly, Significance, Connection, Contribution and Growth. The first 4 being the needs of the personality or our physical needs, and the final 2 the needs of the spirit or the soul. How well we satisfy our first 4 physical needs defines how successful our life is, and how well we satisfy our 2 spiritual needs defines how much fulfilment we ultimately find in life. Now I’m sure a few of these stand out to you straight away and are reflected in some way in your everyday life. However, what we need to understand is that in order to feel happy and fulfilled long term we need to meet all of these needs consistently in a positive, resourceful and sustainable manner. The amount of each of these core needs we invest in will shape our choices and actions. Therefore by defining your top 2 needs and how each can be achieved in positive ways we can move forward in creating a compelling future. So what exactly do each of these needs represent, well i have listed below a definition of each and also a few examples to give you a better understanding:

CERTAINTY  Also called: Security, Comfort, Safety, Control, Stability & Predictability

•  This need is simply about achieving order & control in life 
• Knowing we can be comfortable to have pleasure and avoid pain    
• Main function is to ensure an element of security, and it is manifested in safety and physical comfort
• Those of us with a deep need for certainty do our best to avoid chaos and the unexpected

Example: A person may get their need for Certainty met by staying in a Relationship or Career where they are not really happy and they stay because at least they are comfortable and secure. The pain of being on their own or leaving the job outweighs the pleasure of finding something else. So often people with a high need for Certainty will stay put to meet this need even though ultimately it is not good for them. Resourceful ways could be: Trusting yourself or Certainty of self. By having a sense of certainty about who you are can meet this 100% of the time. It is when we lose that sense of self that we search for it in other ways. Sometimes unresourceful ways that don’t support us long term. Even Spirituality in some form or having a routines that support, nurture and provide foundations can be resourceful ways of meeting this need.

UNCERTAINTY Also called: Adventure, Variety, Surprise, Novelty or Challenge

• It is a physical & emotional need that encourages us to bring the new, the unknown and sometimes disorder into our lives
• Everyone needs some variety in life. Our bodies, our minds and our emotional well-being all require uncertainty
• Just as a sense of security is reassuring, so the excitement that comes from variety is necessary to feel alive
• Those of us with a deep need for uncertainty do our best to do new things and keep variety in all areas of our lives

Example: A person may get their need for Uncertainty met from changing job, changing partners, drug taking, excessive drinking, self sabotage, creating drama or even just as simply as having a conversation with someone new. Resourceful ways could be:  Embracing adventure, travelling, different hobbies, new challenges & goals or creativity, doing something new and stepping outside your comfort zone.

SIGNIFICANCE  Also called: Recognition, Pride, Validation & Uniqueness

• Every person needs to feel special, important, needed & wanted.
• To satisfy this need people find ways to feel unique or special and prove their self-worth
• In its positive aspect, significance leads us to raise our standards, but if we are overly focused on significance, we will have trouble truly connecting with others  

Example: Significant can be met in a number of ways one main way is through being really different, think of a teenagers at school who starts dressing a certain far out way, or gets tattoos and earrings, this can be viewed as their way to meet the need for significance or uniqueness. Other unresourceful ways can be putting others down, gossip, significance from failure, violence, sad stories or problems about self. Even rebellion and having low self-esteem can be examples of how a person meets their own need for Significance.  Resourceful ways could be:  On the Flip side Significance can be gained from achieving or succeeding at something, meeting the goals you set for yourself, being the best – Mastery in our field, having lots of degrees, a great job or business even volunteer work or simply speaking up can meet this need for some of us.

CONNECTION/LOVE  Also called: Love, Unified, Communication & Approval

• Connection is represented by the human desire to communicate with, relate to and receive love from those around us.
• Everyone needs connection with other human beings
• We are all motivated to share and develop relationships with people to meet this need in our lives.
• Those of us with a deep need for Connection will make different decision to those who favour Significance and often decision can be based on connecting and being around others.

Example: Connection once again can be met in numerous ways as simply as listening to others. However there are also numerous ways people meet this unresourcefuly, such by being needy, rescuing others, doing things for others at the determent of self, self harm, unhealthy relationships, connection through big problems (drugs, drinking) even promiscuity. Resourceful ways could be: Connecting with Self, sharing and supporting, spending time with loved one, religion and god, connecting with your purpose and your truth or even just connecting through nature are all ways to meet this need in a Sustainable way

As I mentioned earlier the first 4 needs listed above are the needs of the personality or our physical needs and how well we satisfy these 4 defines how successful our life is. The final 2 are the needs of the spirit or our soul and how well we satisfy these 2 defines how much fulfilment we ultimately find in life.

GROWTH  – Through personal development, knowledge and learning we fulfil the need for growth in our lives. This core need is what drives us to mature and evolve as human beings. Think about it anything that you want to remain in your life – your money, your health, your relationship, your happiness, love – must be cultivated, developed and expanded. We need to constantly develop emotionally, intellectually and spiritually to have a sense of fulfilment. Growth will expands your skills, awareness and ability to help others, however the most powerful growth is in relation to contribution. Everything is either green & growing or ripe & rotting.

CONTRIBUTION  – Finally, we all share the need for Contribution, it is manifested in our desire to serve those around us and give love rather than simply receiving it. Contribution is about sharing what we have with others as we all desire to go beyond our own needs and give to others. It really is in the nature of human beings to want to give back, to leave a mark on the world. Giving to others may mean giving time to community service, making a charitable donation, planting trees, writing a book, or giving to one’s children, family or friends. Not only can everyone contribute in some way but contribution is essential to a sense of fulfillment and to happiness. Everything in the universe contributes beyond itself, or it is eliminated.

Now that you have heard a definition of each 6 needs, can you determine which of the first 4 needs drive you the most in your day to day lives and decision making? How do you think things would be different in your life if you met these needs in a different way?
I would love to hear your thoughts and comments on Anthony Robbins 6 Core Needs and your stories around how you meet these needs on a daily basis. If I can assist you with more around these needs or your interested in hearing me talk on this topic please  contact me: info@trueinspiration.com.au